The Human Experience of Death

We have just experienced a very hard event in our community. A little 4th grade, 10 year old boy passed away from an aneurism on his brain. Surgery was attempted to relieve the pressure and bleeding but it was either too late or the damage was so severe that it did not have the desired effect. Many now will be asking the question why!

I just read a statement on my Facebook page about a young child who had passed away and many were sending sympathies to the family members. I do not know if the recipients were direct (mother and father) or close relatives but again the question was why.

Why could God allow such a thing to happen to a small child with a whole life ahead of them? Especially when according to our standards there should be so many others that deserve such a fate. I sometimes find the answers we give are about as heartbreaking as the event itself.

I do not believe God needed another flower in heaven or any of the other superficial statements we as humans produce to either make ourselves feel better or defend God.. I do not believe that God would purposefully rip a mother’s heart in half by selfishly taking a child away by such a death. The fact is we live in a world where sin has separated us from perfection. The very creation we live in suffers from this fact. Paul says that it groans for the day. . . Because we are human we face sickness, illness, genetics that predispose us to certain health issues. That is the sad truth.

However it is in this very truth that we are able to find grace and peace in these events. It was into this world that Christ came and lived. It was in this body that He felt the pain and sting of death. He knew what it was to see a friend die, to hear of a cousin beheaded and probably (argument from lack of evidence) to know what it was like to bury a father. He stood at the bedsides of children who had dies and it is because of this that we can find His grace and peace in these events.

It hurts to be human sometimes but it is in this condition that we can understand what Christ has done and will do for each of us if we but accept His grace and peace in faith. There is no greater peace.

SAT Rodeo

What a fun day we had this Saturday as Debbie and I were the guest of the Kinsel’s at the 2009 San Antonio Rodeo. It was strange that as I sat and watched the events I realized that it had been twenty-five or more years since I had been to Rodeo but I felt as if I was back in the early 80’s and twenty again. Well at least until I had to walk up and down the steps of the arena and my hip reminded me of my true age.
I had a great time. You will be able to find the pictures on my facebook page and soon they will be on our webshots page at http://community.webshots.com/user/DonDebProctor?vhost=community enjoy looking at them.

First Impressions?

Yesterday I had to visit the dentist to have a broken tooth fixed. I hate going to the dentist! Not that I am afraid, nor have I ever been hurt by one but I just do not have great teeth. Going to the dentist is about like taking our old 1985 Toyota Tercell into the shop for a minor fix and the mechanic spending thirty minutes telling me what needed to be done.

After making the hour and half drive from Cotulla to San Antonio I arrived at the dental office and found a place to park my truck. As I was waling across the parking lot I crossed a man that was rather ragged and rough looking. He had shaggy hair, un-kept beard and was wearing greasy jeans with a dirty T-shirt and leather vest. He was standing on the sidewalk smoking a cigarette and drinking a coke.

We made casual eye contact and the polite nod as I passed him. I am somewhat ashamed to say that this person and I would probably not be having lunch together and would be a much rougher and tougher person than I would normally hang around.

As I checked in I was informed that I needed to up-date my personal information and was given a clip board with four sheets of questions. This was my second visit to this dentist and we had just completed all of these papers in our first. However, I was told that the date on those papers were 2008 and they needed a new year update.

I found a seat in the crowded waiting room next to an elderly gentleman in a wheelchair. He was obviously unable to care for himself and just sit and stared into space. I spoke as I sat down and he did not respond.

I started filling out the papers with my name, address, phone numbers, email, and other vital information that they would need and out of the corner of my eye I noticed the man from outside was walking toward me. With blanket in hand he addressed the old man and wrapped him gently in the blanket with the words, “are you warmer now daddy.” I do not believe I have ever heard such compassion in a voice as when this man spoke to his father.

We never know. Forgive me for my judgment!

Riding the Rapids Backwards

Sometimes you just have to go with the flow. The last place Debbie and I lived was a small town called Brookneal, Virginia. The Staunton River flowed through it. For many who may look on a map yours may say the Roanoke River but actually there is a small stretch that is properly named the Staunton. It was named after a protection force that covered a stretch of the river protecting the settlers from Indians. It is a beautiful scenic part of the river where the water flows at a fast clip. People will usually put their canoes or kayaks in at Long Island, Virginia and float down to Brookneal. There is one day a year when the whole area seems to come out and have one big “Fun Float Day.”

I had the opportunity several times to take a kayak down the river with people who were experts and kept me out of trouble in the rapids and shoots. I found that it wasn’t too difficult most of the time if you simply paid attention and used a little common sense. However, Debbie and I wanted to join in on the fun and decided to borrow a canoe and go with another family down the beautiful stretch of God’s creation. We didn’t seem to be having any problem until we got to the first major rapid. I stayed back and let David and Cindy show us the line to take. I found that “driving” a canoe with two people was different than maneuvering a solo kayak and we found ourselves sideways against a rock with all the force of the rive trying to move us and the rock. Everything I tried seem to tip us over just a bit farther. If it had been just me I would not have been worried but Debbie is a survival swimmer (just good enough to save herself if she is in trouble) and I was afraid that if she went into the fast running water she would panic.

Realizing that everything I tried was getting us into more trouble I decided that we needed to let the water carry us around the rock, even though it was be backwards, and try to save the situation later. We both pulled up oars and I gave a little push to move the center of the canoe off the rock and the water took over. Needless to say there was no opportunity to “right” ourselves and we somehow shot the whole rapid backwards. Luckily there are no fronts and backs on most canoes so it did not know the difference.

We arrived at the end of the rapid dry and upright. I was laughing, Debbie was big eyed and David and Cindy were amazed. To make a wonderful long story bearable and short we ended up doing this in every rapid but one which says a lot about my ability to drive a canoe.

Sometimes you just have to let go and flow with the river. I have found this to be the case in my spiritual life as well. Sometimes God works so powerful and out of the ordinary that my own attempt to maneuver the rapid is futile. I find myself against rocks and doing everything I can just to stay upright. It is in those times that I just lift my paddle and “let go and let God.”

Most of the time I do not like loosing control of my life, but there are those times that God reminds me that ultimately I am not in control, and it is in those times that I ride the river backwards and feel most free.

Remembering Winter

It is February and the temperature today is supposed to be in the high 70’s. In fact it is supposed to be in the 80’s soon. Nights are now in the 60’s. In fact in the next two weeks I will be planting our tomatoes and peppers. It just doesn’t seem real.

For the last 25 years I experienced real winters. I grew up experiencing real winters. Temperatures reached down in the teens. Ground frozen and the smell of wood burning fireplaces are common experiences during this season. When you step outside there is a sharp sensation that hits you in the face and you fell the snap of cold on your ears. The feel of the fresh cold sheets as they warmed to your body and then the slightest movement was enough to find a cool place under the covers.

The bleakness is only made acceptable by the beautiful colors of autumn that have preceded this lifeless season and the pure driven snow as it turn the world a pristine white in the day and a pale blue under the moonlight. The physical work of getting up earlier than everyone else in order to “stoke” the fire place so the rest will wake in warmth was enjoyable.

The promise of color and life coming soon make this a beautiful part of the year. The contrast of everything mentioned made the spring and summer months more dramatic. I miss those experiences.

Oh I enjoy the fact that short sleeves are the uniform of the day. The early mornings generally in the 50’s (there have been a few in the low 30’s) are just enough to bring chill bumps on your arms before the sun starts warming the land. I enjoy the colors that some of the plants put on during our winter months. I have enjoyed the fact that my garden has flourished with its spinach, lettuce, cabbage, broccoli, onions, brussel-sprouts and garlic. But the longing for spring is just not here. I guess in years to come the longing of the cooler winter (compared to the blazing summer) will hold its relief but for now I miss the winter.

For my friends that read this and you walk outside and shiver while thinking how wonderful it would be to live in a constant 70 – 80 degree climate. Stop, smell and feel the wonders of where you are. Enjoy it and remember us!

Perfection

Wow, it is really easy to get behind in writing my blog and this is not a simple attempt to catch up but is an actual short thought that I have had recently. It deals with the freedom to act without “permission”.

I was brought up with the idea that if it needed to be done and you knew it you were the one that was see that it was accomplished. If you went by a fence that was broken you fixed it. If you grabbed a harness that was dry you oiled it. If a light bulb was out when you flipped the switch you replaced it. If you did wrong and it was brought to your attention you corrected it. It was simple life. It was done and you did not need to worry about that item anymore. You did not have to wait around for permission or an order to get it done.

I carried this philosophy with me through my military years and it seems to have worked. When I was promoted to Spec. 4 they pinned Sgt. E-5 stripes on my shoulder. They called it an “Acting Jack”. My squad was always top in our company in everything from room inspections to field performance. Each man knew his job but was always looking to see what else could be done.

I found that when a vehicle is moving it is much easier to steer and direct. Try turning your steering wheel when you car is still! It is the same with people and organizations. The problem with this is that sometimes there will be mistakes made. Things do not get double and triple checked and find that they are late in getting done. But when the day is over more progress has been made.

I will admit there are times when perfection is needed. When the surgeon is cutting on me I want him/her to be absolutely sure that it is the correct hip he is replacing. When our astronauts are being hurtled into space I am sure they are thankful that there are those that figure and refigure the exact speed and trajectory they are being shot into. The examples could go on and on with good reason.

However, in general we do not live our lives with these margins or the need to be so precise. In fact such restriction usually slows progress and frightens people into inactivity.

Louis Pasteur said “Chance favors the prepared mind.” My words then would be to prepare the best you can, act and do not be afraid less than perfection. You will find that you will be ahead in the end.